News Article 1003 - How to Survive Parenting the New Millennium Child

Hello again, In our last article we signed off by asking the questions ‘How is self-esteem developed?’ “How does one develop low self-esteem?’ ‘ How does one develop middle self-esteem?’ and finally “What about those with high self-esteem?’ In this article we shall Explore and Discover some of the answers. It is important to understand that self-esteem is developed right at the very beginning of our existence for example, if a child’s early experiences were of a loveless and harsh nature the child would emerge from childhood with a low level of self-esteem and display remarkably high protectors. The child with low self-esteem may either develop to be very aggressive, violent, blaming, or on the other hand be extremely passive, withdrawn, apathetic, shy, timid, fearful and depressed. Some children fall into the area of having middle level of self-esteem where they hide only some aspects of their true selves and where their defence manoeuvres are moderate in nature. A child with a middle level of self-esteem may feel that they are not all bad; that there are others much worse than them and that they fall into a category of average. Their protectors would be either being argumentative, inflexible, and hypersensitive to criticism or of being dependent, fearful, anxious, uncertain tentative and concerned about how others see them. Nevertheless this group are much closer to their self-worth than those with low self-esteem. Fortunately there are some children who develop a high level of self-esteem, be it that they number a few, estimated at 5-10% of the population. These children are very close to the full expression of their unique presence and worth, however because we live in a world where the threats to being truly you are frequent, intense and enduring, some small level of protection is required. The children with a high level of self-esteem are those who work out mostly from their immutable self-worth and hence are loving, capable of receiving love, spontaneous, unique, different, individual, expansive adventurous creative and fearless to try new things. It is important to understand that self-esteem arises in response to threats to the true expression of self and is an amazing and creative defence by those children and adults whose self-worth is threatened. Change can only begin with the acceptance of the shadow self as being a necessary ‘evil’; hence embracing of the child’s present level of self-esteem is the first step on the journey back to their real self. There are two central dimensions to self-esteem; the feeling of being lovable and the feeling of being capable. It is important to identify whether your school age child is shy, timid, overly reserved, extremely quiet, attention seeking and clinging or does the child have a tendency to be aggressive and bullying? If so, these are usually indications that the child doubts his/her lovability. On the other hand if the child is frightened of and resistant to new changes, if they are fearful of failure, or easily upset by mistakes; if they have a tendency to be over nervous of school tests; or perhaps they has a tendency to expect perfection in all that they do or are overly diligent about school work; or perhaps even go to the other extreme and be evasive of homework then it is reasonable to suspect that these are indicators of the child’s doubts about his/her capability. Set out below are examples of behaviour that indicate a child has a poor to middle level of self-esteem. These behaviours are signs of the inner turmoil of children. When these behaviours are identified it is necessary to respond with positive responses. It is useful to categorize these signs as over control or under control indicators. Children manifesting under control type behaviour are more likely to be assessed for psychological help, because the problematic behaviours can seriously interfere with the functioning of parents or teachers or both. The child who shows over control type behaviour is often more at risk but parents and others can miss this, as the child’s symptoms do not upset adults’ lives. Discover and order the Hypnosis Metaphor Story Telling CD ‘The Magic Carpet Ride’ Raising Self Esteem Important: The examples of behaviour given are given to help you identify behaviour that could detrimental to your child’s healthy development. You must remember never to label your child. To do so will contribute to adding to the problems your child is experiencing. Always remember that your child is not their behaviour. Learn to accept your child unconditionally and to love unconditionally. These are the antidotes to any problems you child may experience whilst they find their way to adulthood. Checklist for Low (High Protective) self-esteem in school age children. Over-Control Protectors Shy and withdrawn Usually overly quiet Reluctant to take on new activities Clinging to one or both parents Having difficulties in mixing with other children Overly conscientious or apathetic in learning situations Fearful or timid in new situations Easily upset when positively corrected. Inclined to daydream Fearful of mistakes and failures In the habit of putting self down Always trying to please people Complains of abdominal pain and nausea   If your child displays any of the above signs you may find that ordering your copy of the Hypnosis Metaphor Story Telling CD ‘The Magic Carpet Ride’ Raising Self Esteem will help. Contact us to secure your copy which will be available in April 07 Under Control Protectors Aggressive Have regular temper tantrums Boastful Regularly play truant from School Uncooperative when requested to do things Frequently requesting help or reassurance Continually asking whether she is loved and wanted Avoids school lessons at the cost of risking parents’ approval Blaming of others for own mistakes Destructive of own or others’ belongings Careless when carrying out home or school assignment. In studying the list of behavioural traits associated with both over-control protectors and under-control protectors it can be understood just how easy it is for a child to be programmed unintentionally by their parents or carers with ‘garbage in’ in their formative years. As another resource in obtaining strategies as to how to cope with these types of behaviours and Discover the trouble shooting hand book ‘How to Beat Children at their Own Game’ strategies for frequently asked questions One of the problems experienced by parents is that they usually adopt the parenting style that they were brought up with. Despite aiming to change the things that they felt didn’t work for them when they were being brought up, the truth of the matter is that parents tend to be conditioned to do exactly the same things that their own parents did. One of the ways to break this pattern is for parents to reflect on their own upbringing and identify just what was missing. To help you on your ‘Road to Self Discovery’ it may be helpful to get your complimentary workshop being offered now by ‘clicking here’ to receive your copy of ‘How to take Back Control of your Life’. Until our next News Article 1004 I leave you with this Poem to ponder on. It rings so true to life.