Effective Communication Part 1 of 2 ….. News Article 1004 We live in what is termed the information era. Information is available to us in many forms. Newspapers keep us up to date with major events happening worldwide. Computers are jam packed with information; TV and Radio all play their part. For many ,reading, listening to radio, watching TV and Surfing the Net has resulted in a life of isolation . In this News article I would like to address the topic of ‘Communication’. One of the problems many are encountering in today’s modern society is that life is lived in the fast lane. We have fast food, microwaves, computers delivery information within seconds; we have mobile phones, fax machines, e-mail, and even fast service lanes in many of the department stores. We all seems to be constantly in a hurry, families rarely get to sit and eat dinner together, due to either parents working late, children participating in outside activities or sitting at the computer playing games. The problem with all of this is some of us rarely communicate with one another and when we do, it usually is not in depth. Before I begin to write on the topic of family communication, let me ask you a question or should I say a several questions. Now, no cheating, be honest with yourself when addressing the questions I am going to ask. Here goes…. 1. If you are married or have a partner, do you know…. a) What their favourite colours? b) Which type of music do they like listening to? c) What is their favourite song? d) What books do they like to read? e) Which brand of perfume or after-shave do they like best? f) Which fruit is their favourite? g) What do they really want out of life? 2. If you have children, do you know…? a) What is their favourite colour? b) Which type of music does like listening to? c) What is their favourite song? d) Who is their idol? And why? e) Which fruit is their favourite? f) Which is their favourite subject at School? And why? g) Which is their worse subject at School? And Why? h) What do they really want out of life? i) What type of movie do they like to watch? The above questions seem simple enough, however it never ceases to amaze me how many people really don’t know simple fundamental likes and dislikes of their partners and or their children. If you are one of the parents who could answer all the questions, then I must congratulate you and say well done! For those who could answer only a few or didn’t have a clue, don’t despair you are not alone However, it does shed some light on just how little you know about the people you love and care about. Now let’s begin….. So What is Communication? Communication is the means through which humans let each other know about our physical psychological and social needs. It can be both verbal and non-verbal. Babies usually communicate their needs by crying, banging their heads, making noises, wriggling their bodies and so on. Of course many adults may also use these means to express needs! It is interesting that babies in Java rarely cry whereas crying is very common among babies in Western culture. Research has shown that in Western society babies, on average, cry for thirty minutes before they get a response. There is a misguided notion that picking children up when they cry serves to reinforce and increase the crying but nothing is further from the truth. Most parents know that babies give a different type of cry for different types of needs; they have a particular cry when they are in pain, a different cry when they are hungry and yet again a different cry when they need affection. Crying is only a symptom of a need; when the need is met the crying reduces not increases. Parents are also aware of ‘pseudo’ cry, when the child wants attention all the time and this kind of crying does not need an immediate response. It appears that in Java the parents identify earlier the different signals of need from their babies before they have to resort to crying. A Javanese baby is never allowed to touch the ground for the first six months of life and the close contact between the child and the parent’s body enables earlier detection of needs. In this situation, needs, particularly love needs are being regularly met whereas Western babies have to sometimes shout and scream to get such attention. It is important within families to try to pick up on the verbal signals of need. This is essential up to the time of language development but even afterwards such sensitivity is wise and caring. The primary function of the family is to facilitate the optimum development of each family member and this means being responsive to the whole host of needs which each person experiences. It may not always be possible to meet certain needs but the expression of all needs can be both actively encouraged and modelled by parents. When parents themselves do not communicate clearly with each other about their needs or when one or both do not feel worth to even express their needs, never mind having them met, then it is unlikely that the children of these parents will learn to talk about their needs. There are many needs, which each person within a family may experience. Emotional  Occupational Social Financial Intellectual Recreational Sexual Spiritual Sensual Physical Behavioural Material Creative "We all deserve and need to be – Happy – Understood – Safe – Hopeful- Important – Thankful’ Asking for what you want…" There are four ways in which family members can verbally express their needs: Directly and clearly Indirectly but clearly Directly but unclear Indirectly and unclear In effectively functioning families direct and clear communication is common, whereas in ineffective or dysfunctional families one of the other three types of communication or some combinations of them is the more frequent mode of expression of needs. Please click here for PART 2 Should you find that you require any assistance please contact us by ‘clicking here’ and we will be only too pleased to discuss resources available to help you.