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Values
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The best place to start is to define the word value. The definition given in Webster’s English Thesaurus is ‘appreciate, esteem, regard, treasure’ ‘importance, usefulness, excellent, merit, valuation’.
So life values are what you hold as import, treasure, regard, appreciate in your life. Before I begin to write on children and values, this may be an opportune time for you to set aside some time and think about what your values are. For example, health, family, security, honesty, money, education, the environment, marriage, religious faith etc.etc. Once you have done this then put them in a hierarchy. This is very important as your values and how they rate in your hierarchy are the result of where you are in your life right now and the good and bad you have attracted in your life.
Now to continue with children and values….. In this article we address:
- How values are built
- What values do you hope your children will have?
- How to instill values in children
- Ways children learn values.
How Values are built
As I have written on more than one occasion that it is very important that parents are mindful of what they are modeling to their child. Every interaction you have with your child, every word you utter provides the opportunity of teaching values. Teaching your child values is not only about taking them to church or telling them it is not good to lie. Although it is a very good start it is definitely not enough.
There is so much more to teaching values. The best way to teach is obviously by example, because this is how children learn best. They see their heroes, their mum and dad, doing and saying things and they want to be like them so the model and mimic them.
If one of your values is that you care about the environment then the way you model this to your child is by taking the opportunity if you are in a public place, say the beach, and you see trash that someone has careless left you pick it up and put it in the bin. Now your child on seeing you do this may see “Why are you picking it up, we didn’t put it there?”
This is the opportune time to answer “I don’t know who left it here, but I love to see our beaches and our earth clean and if we are irresponsible like the person who left the rubbish here our world will suffer”. This answer teaches your child to value the environment.
Another instance where your child can learn the value of honesty is, perhaps you are shopping and after purchasing groceries the cashier makes a mistake and gives you more change than you should be given. You notice this and immediately tell the cashier that they have made a mistake and you give the extra money back. Now your child might comment. “What did you do that for, it was the cashier’s mistake?” By saying, “Because I believe in being honest and not taking advantage of someone else’s mistake” in this instance you teach your child the value of honesty and integrity.
There are many values that will serve your child throughout his/her life some important ones are love, honesty, integrity family, sharing, education, heath and respect.
Weekly family meetings are important as amongst other things they teach family values. This is a time when all members of the family put all other appointments aside and this tells the family that family time is a priority.
What values do you hope your child will develop?
I recall when my children were toddlers I sat and pondered on what values I wanted them to have. I hoped that my children valued the family, I wanted them to appreciate the family and understand how lucky they were compared to some other children. I wanted them to be compassionate and generous, to think about other people besides themselves. I wanted them to value education and develop a passion for learning. I wanted them to know how to have fun in a safe way. I wanted them to know they could rely on me and the dad and that we were always there for them and there was so much more I wanted for them.
As parents we all want the best for our children, and you may relate to what I have written and you may have other things you wish for your child. From experience, I can tell you it is important to set some time aside, ponder on what you would like for your child and then write out in a journal just what values you have your child develops.
Believe me when you will be pleased you did this, because as it materializes you will feel a sense of relief as you come to know that what you have written is all possible.
How to Instil Values in Your Child
Over a period of time you can talk to your child about different values. Encourage them to tell you what is important to them. This gives you the opportune time to talk to them about what is important in life for them to have a good life. Talk about honesty, health, education, respect, sharing etc.
Remember though that even though the child will listen they will cross reference what you say to what you do.
To teach the value of:
Honesty : Explain to your child that being honest they will build trust. Explain that people who lie are not trusted. Insist on honesty for the whole family, for if you do this a child will learn the value of honesty at a very young age.
Integrity : Explain that integrity means people can believe you because when you say something you will do it. In other words explain that it is important that if they commit to do something that they will follow through. This relates to ‘my word is my bond’.
Fair Play:
Explain to your child that when they play with other children it is right to share toys. Learning this at an early stage will help your child to become fair adults.
Loyalty & Respect : Explain to your child the difference between a true friend and acquaintances.
Compassion : Teach your child empathy – how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes – asking them how do they think the other person feels when treated unfairly, or when they have no food to eat, or no place to sleep?
Responsibility : Hold your child responsible. Explain that every cause has an effect. This is a valuable lesson because it teaches the child that wrong doing and wrong behaviour results in consequences of punishment and every right doing and right behaviour results in consequences of reward and satisfaction.