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Swearing
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When you consider that children can only learn words when they have heard them said it is obvious that if your child comes out with a swear word he/she has heard it said and most probably has heard it said more than once. As a parent it can be quite a shock when you first hear your child swear, however after the initial shock you really need to become a bit of a Sherlock Holmes and start investigating and listening to the language used by your own family and friends.
Adults sometimes will use swear words as a matter of speech and do not even realize that they are swearing. Adults and older children can swear to express frustration or even to get someone’s attention. It is becoming more common to hear swear words on TV and on the radio.
Young children initially do not understand what the swear word is they only understand that it is effective or that it even sounds funny. Said enough time in the context of frustration the child soon enough begins to understand that this new word is appropriate when they feel anger.
Preschoolers learn very quickly and if given attention when they swear will be quick to use swear words more often. This is especially so if older children or you yourself react by laughing when you hear a young child swearing. The child in this instance is being given a message that swearing is funny and attention grabbing.
Your reaction is important
It is important to remember that the most effective way to deal with your child’s swearing is to ignore the swearing completely. As hard as it may be, staying calm is the key. Do not comment to the child and do not make eye contact. Ignoring the child’s swear word is often the best way of letting the child know they cannot get any attention by using such words.
If your child continues to swear, it will help if you sit your child down and explain that words such as these are not nice. Toddlers and preschoolers don’t need explanations of swear words it’s enough to say; “That’s not a nice word”.
Older children can benefit from a simple explanation. If you feel that your child does understand the meaning of the word, ask them to give you their understanding of the word. Usually the child will be quite embarrassed in having to explain to you the meaning and then you can say “If you are embarrassed to talk about the meaning, doesn’t that tell you that it is not a nice word to use?”
How to handle swearing in the long term
- It is important to identify who in your family uses swear words and to what extent and it is also important that you discuss and agree what is acceptable language.
- If you are or have been in the habit of swearing yourself, all is not lost, just make a concerted effort to use other appropriate language when you are angry or frustrated.
- Be aware of what programs your child watches on TV, also for older children it is important to supervise what movies, games and other programs they watch and listen to on the computer.
If children are not taught how to handle their anger and frustration in a controlled way they are more likely to swear. This is quite a normal progression for a child who has learned how to swear and how to use the swear words in what they consider the right context. It’s a sort of release and what it does is not only release the child’s anger it says to everyone around ‘look at me, give me what I want or else!”
If your child uses this tactic when angry it is important that you don’t address the swear words being used whilst the child is angry or in a rage, this will only exaggerate the use of the swear words and will also teach the child that by using the swear words they are getting your complete attention. As hard as it may be, it is better to walk away and then when all is calm sit your child down and explain that their action, their behaviour is not acceptable and just as important is not becoming of them because he/she is good girl/boy.
When disciplining your child always remember to address the behaviour.. Labelling the child as ‘bad’ or ‘stupid’ will gain no positive result, in fact it will damage the child’s self worth and cause the child to repeat the performance.
Patience is a virtue parents learn as children can be very testing. However with enough patience and given enough love children do learn how to take control of emotions.