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Although a small boy may happily play under his mother’s watchful eye, the pull to establish himself as a male among his male peers often becomes more pressing as puberty approaches.  His need to break away from his boyhood relationship with his mother can be a painful time for both of them.  The mother experiences a sense of loss as her son begins to move away from her; he may no longer confide in her, and may become sullen and resentful of her concern or interest in his activities.

The boy himself might feel that, although he may long to remain attached to and protected by his mother, he must learn to look after himself.  It will take all a mother’s insight and patience to respond to her son’s occasional crises in confidence and disruptive outbursts as he tries to come to term with a new identity.

If a mother is reasonably confident about her life choices, and happy to be a parent without living through her children she is likely to feel at ease with her son’s independence

Avoiding the pitfalls

At this stage in a boy’s growth it is often easier for the entire family if the father or another adult male, spends time with him.  Although all growth depends on challenge and risk, an older, more experienced man will help deflect the young boy’s assertive, rebellious or even self destructive behaviour into more appropriate channels.

Hi presence also makes it easier for a young boy to feel comfortable with his mother without fearing he will be drawn back into an overly dependent relationship.

If a mother needs to discipline her son, or let him know that his behaviour is unacceptable, her disapproval must focus especially on the behaviour.  A mother needs to be mindful not to use negative language when disciplining and must ward off saying:  “ What’s wrong with you, you’ll never amount to anything”.  To degrade him may result him in feeling he will not gain his mother’s respect as he grows in manhood.

If a boy’s parents are divorced, the boy may not see his father at all.  He may not get along with his step father, or, if his father has remarried, a boy may feel lost and out of place when he visits his father’s new family.  In this situation, a mother may be tempted to overprotect her son, treating him as her little boy, thus binding him more tightly to her.  By the same token, it is a serious error for a mother to expect her son to be a replacement in some way for an inadequate or absent male partner.  Not only would his need to respect his father be undermined, but any attempts to break away from his mother would feel like desertion and betrayal.  If his mother is depressed or ill, there may be added pressure on him to remain in the family house. He might be pushed into being self sacrificing forfeiting his right to an independent life and losing the chance to pursue his own dreams.

The prince

Sometimes a mother treats her son as the ‘prince’ who is expected to surpass the father professionally, as well as fulfill the mother’s unlived career aspirations.  This type of son is overindulged, his needs anticipated and met by his obliging mother;  consequently,  he may expect all women to treat him this way.  Although enjoying a privileged position in the family (a mother may be far more indulgent toward him than her daughter), the son may still feel ambivalent about this emotional prison.  Some mothers may praise their sons excessively to spur them on this is also not good.  A mother needs to praise her son in moderation.