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One of the most exciting and celebrated time in a couple’s life is when they find out that they are going to have a baby. I remember when at the tender age of 20 my husband and I found out a little one was on its way words cannot describe the emotion one feels, one needs to experience it to understand it.
After the initial excitement of telling everyone you know about your good news many questions start to surface….. Will it be a boy or a girl? Who will it look like? What do I have to do to ensure that it is healthy? Am I eating the right food, what about the occasional drink I have, oh and what about smoking will this affect the baby? And as if babies only started to exist all of a sudden everywhere you look you see babies…. Babies in prams, babies in TV commercials, baby clothes, baby cots, baby toys, nappies, etc. etc.
Further into the pregnancy reality hits. Baby starts to let you know ‘I’m here’ morning sickness may begin, mother’s body shape starts to change, baby starts to move and then it’s time for an ultra sound which is your baby’s first snap shot. After this, nothing remains the same. Mum and Dad to-be are mesmerized by the image of their new bub. At this point you may have the option of finding out whether your baby is a boy or girl or perhaps you just want a big surprise. This is a very personal choice.
I remember when I had my first child we didn’t have this option but when my first grandchild was on its way my daughter opted to find out and upon finding out it did make all the difference to the whole family. As she had already selected a name for the baby everyone and I mean everyone upon meeting her would ask how little ‘Joshua’ was going. By the time Joshua was born he was already a household celebrity name and it felt that there wasn’t a time when he wasn’t part of the family, we all felt we knew him so well and when we first glanced into his eyes and called his name, we knew that he knew us.
Pregnancy and mothering
A mother’s way of nurturing her child is rooted in the deeply introspective experience of being pregnant of containing within the confines of her ever changing body a growing baby. Mother and child live in a state of physical and emotional identification, and it is maternal empathy a loving attentiveness and ability to feel ‘with’ another person – that ensure her infant’s well being.
Tasks such as breastfeeding, bathing and clothing her infant all perpetuate this sense of identification without which an infant’s need may be neglected and the baby may fail to thrive. Although this connection between physical and emotional well being seems obvious, it was only in the early decades of this century that emotional disturbance, and even certain forms of mental illness, began to be recognized as being connected to early emotional deprivation or neglect.
A mother’s style of parenting usually reflects this profound intimacy, with a greater degree of physical contact and emotional expressiveness than the father’s. It has been said that a father’s style of parenting springs from the lack of physical closeness between the baby and himself, and that father and child must therefore journey toward one another.
During the months leading up to the birth most parents to- be read as much as they can, buying baby magazines and books. One of the most difficult jobs is that of being a parent. As humans, most have the natural ability to nurture, however, to be a good competent parent is not a ‘natural ability; but a complex and multifaceted one; for which most have little or no training. Fortunately there are many resources where parents to-be can obtain very good advice. It must be remembered that your parenting style will have a positive or negative effect on your baby. Babies are very receptive to everything that goes on around them and in the very early stages parents can create a parenting style that will have a long-term effect positive on the upbringing of their child. Here in the lifestylepluscentre website we have a parenting work book ‘Parenting Mind Magic’ that is excellent in helping parents prepare for bringing up their children.
Challenges ahead
Nothing prepares parents for the upheaval that a first child brings. 
The physical link forged by the creation of a life marks the evolution of a couple – two people bound by ties of affection and respect – into a family. The time that used to be devoted solely to each other must now be shared by an insistent third person who is completely dependent upon them. Between them, the parents have a shared task, which is to look after a child until he or she is independent. Some tasks, however, are usually the exclusive province of the biological mother; these include gestation, breastfeeding and infant care.
One of the biggest challenges when baby arrives is for parents to neglect their own health and well being. Not being organized, not getting enough sleep, not eating properly will all have a negative effect and cause grumpiness in one or both parents.
Parents need to be mindful that their health is as important as their child’s. Without your good health you cannot cater for your baby’s emotional and physical needs.
If proper preparation is made for both parents to share the responsibilities there is less likelihood to be a build up of resentment when baby wakes up at all odd hours of the morning. Sharing responsibilities also gives the opportunity for both parents to bond with their baby.
Another important factor that needs to be addressed is ‘time out’. ‘Time out’ means having a responsible person look after the baby at least once a week enabling parents to spend time together perhaps go and watch a movie or a walk along the beach, a walk in the park or a coffee at the local coffee shop.
Parents need to allow themselves to have ‘time out‘ without the baby. This ‘time out’ which many parents neglect due to either being too tired to go out or just couldn’t be bothered is one of the secrets that will enable parents to bond and to stay and work together when the going gets tough.