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Parenting tip - Parenting Paths to avoid with Defiant Children

Many parents are not aware of their parenting style or pattern and this can inadvertently contribute to a child’s defiance and negativity.  If a parent is too intrusive and constantly imposing their own agenda the parent can trigger and encourage a child to be defiant.

Babies:  who are overstimulated by being bounced around too much, bring talked to too loudly find it difficult to cope with all that stimulation and as a result the baby protests by fussing and crying.

Toddlers:  are very inquisitive and like to figure out how things work, this is how they learn.  A parent is over protective of their child, by interfering when the child is engrossed in playing or dissembling a toy, thinking that the child can’t do it can also inadvertently cause the child frustration.   For , by the parent interfering, rather than helping the child, they invade the child.

School Age Child: Many well meaning parents get this wrong.  Parents can unknowingly intrude and overload the child by bossing them around.  This happens especially when the parent coaches the child in a sport.  The parent may insist, order and demand the child to do it  the parent’s way instead of guiding the child and yet allowing the child to experiment to develop their own strategies.  This results in a struggle between an irritable parent and an even more defiant child.

In general parents who are authoritative and rigid are more apt to set up power struggles with defiant children.  By the same token parents who interpret their child’s behaviour and any negativity that child might display as aimed directly at the parent, can over react and become rigid.   In this situation the parent needs to understand that the child’s attempt to develop and organize his/her world  may mean that the child experiments by trying to work it out for themselves instead of just following the parent’s  orders

Rules:  and standards of conduct of children are necessary, however too many arbitrary rules and regulations can drive a defiant child into doing precisely the opposite of what a parent demands of him/her. Parents can persuade, negotiate and set limits in a calm empathetic and supportive way with regards to homework, cleaning up toys etc in contrast to an ‘in your face’ domineering attitude.  A rigid and or domineering attitude is sure to set up or intensify the child’s defiance.