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Most children grow up with brothers and sisters, all of whom have deep and lasting effects on one another.  Although research often concentrates on more negative aspects such as rivalry and aggression, in fact, siblings spend a great deal of time playing together, sharing and helping each other.
A typical four or five year old, for example spends twice as much time with his or her siblings as with his or her mother.  The majority of children also say they feel close to their brothers and sisters.  How we treat our brothers and sisters directly affect their behaviour and, indirectly, influences that of our parents.  Younger children often imitate their older brother or sisters, especially if they are of the same sex.  If the family has an absent father, for example, an older brother may become a role mode.  Very young children who have older brothers and sisters may be more imaginative, more curious and more cooperative in play than those who are an older child.

Conflict and support

The closer in age they are the greater the effect brothers and sisters have on one another.  Conflict and rivalry reach a peak with a two to four year age gap, with brothers exerting a much greater influence on their sisters than vice versa.  In fact, girls are far more likely to copy masculine behaviour than the other way around.
Within the family the influence of the children increases with their number, while that of the parents declines. For this reason, some psychiatrists believe that the children of dysfunctional families have a better chance of growing up ‘healthy’ and well adjusted if they have several brothers and sisters.
Wherever you fit in your family hierarchy it is likely that you felt disadvantaged in some way.  If you were the eldest, you might have had to do more chores, be more responsible and battle harder for any independence.  As the middle child you might have complained about not being allowed the same freedom as your older brother or sister.  Or were you treated like a baby and left out of things because you were the youngest?  Age gaps and gender can greatly affect the consequences of a child’s position in the family hierarchy.

The first born child

First born children have the exclusive attention and love of their parents, but are then suddenly displaced by a new baby.  Every first born has novice parents who are less confident, consistent and effective than they are with later children.  The new parents are more demanding and more intensely involved and may be less relaxed and affectionate.All this adult attention makes many first born verbally and intellectually more advanced than later siblings.  If a new baby arrives within three years, even a child whose IQ is lower may develop a greater drive to achieve, spurred on by sibling rivalry. The emotional vulnerability of eldest children is usually the result of parental inconsistencies and over protection.

Later born children

An experienced mother is more relaxed, independent and flexible.  She can enjoy mothering and be less intrusive.  In such an atmosphere, later born children can thrive.  Compared with the first born these children are  usually less introverted, less neurotic, more fun loving and humorous and are frequently more open to new ideas.
However, through jealousy of a bossy, older brother or sister, the later born child might employ the power strategies of the weak, such as whining, crying, and appealing to parents for support against big sister or brother.  As the younger child grows he or she usually stops being compliant and submissive, learning to resist the power of the older children and becoming competitive and resilient.

The middle child

Lost between the ex king (the first born child) and baby Prince Charming ( the last born child) the middle child tends to be either assertive, competitive and attention seeking, or withdrawn, shy and sensitive.  In many three child families the middle child, especially if it is a girl is the most jealous of all.  More positively, the middle child is often more extroverted and friendlier than first born .

Being the youngest

The ‘baby’ of any family tends to be the centre of attention and the apple of mother’s eye.  He or she may enjoy the resulting prolongation of childhood, but, if pampered too much, becomes self indulgent and difficult to discipline.  Youngest children sometimes feel resentment if babying means being left out of activities of the older ones and feel the need to assert their right to adult privileges.