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Anger is an emotion children express in an uncontrollable way.  Children can be somewhat self centered and when they don’t get what they want they may feel it is necessary to express their emotion in an outburst of anger which can end up in a full blown out tantrum.  Parents despite their best intention can over react to a child’s temper tantrum by getting cranky and yelling back at their child.  You may have had a time when one thing lead to another and before you knew it a simple disagreement turned into a battle, with more screaming and many tears.

When this happens it is important that you remember that any child with a sense of self is likely to have a tantrum displaying anger about something they are not happy about.

Unfortunately as parents we can at times interpret our child’s way of communicating negative emotions as a sign of disobedience and disrespect to us as parents.   When in fact what the child is really wanting is for us to listen to what they have to say.  The problem is children don’t always know how to express feelings, hence when things don’t go their way they automatically retaliate screaming, throwing things and then sulking

It’s important for you to accept rather than dismiss your child’s feelings – even if they press your hot button.  If you can build awareness about your child’s emotions and your own particularly an awareness of smaller emotions, then it might not be necessary for emotions to escalate.

If you child seems unhappy and pouts, refrain from criticizing your child.  Consider how it feels if you don’t get your own way about something that you felt important to you.  If you find yourself getting out of control,  it is wise to remove yourself from the room temporarily, take a couple of deep breaths and bake back control of your own emotions before you engage in any further discussion with your child.

Do not take your child’s attack on you personally.  If your child gets really angry and say “I hate you!”  it does not mean that you child really hates you what it is more likely to mean is “ I hate your  power over me”  It is hard not to tense up during these uproars but it is much better to inhale and the exhale a couple of times, this allows you to take control of your own feelings. 

Avoid physical power struggles using your size and strength will ensure that the conflict escalates.  If your child picks up something to throw or hit you with, do not attempt to struggle to get the objects from them it is better to stay calm and say “ Please put that down, you could hurt someone you love”  If your child does not put the object down or worse still throws the object at you，use all the control you can muster and in a firm voice say “ I know you are upset but hitting is NOT OK”

When your child sees that you are in control, that they can’t fire you up and that what they are doing is not working, the anger dissipates. 

Wait until the child is over the anger and then when they are in a much better frame of mind talk to your child encouraging them to express what caused them to get so angry and when the child identifies this to you explain to them how they could have handled the situation in a much better way.